Walk of Shame. In a state park.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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