You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
