oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
