i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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