my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
