Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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