I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
