Ambien. No doubt about it.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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