just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I am available for nakedness
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
