What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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