So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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