is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
