he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
