There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
