She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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