Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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