what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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