she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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