Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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