You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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