Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
