why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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