what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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