I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
