If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
