Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
