Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It's shark week go big or go home
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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