I got chris browned last night
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
