Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
