His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
