I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
