They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Someone signed my nipple.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
