Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Randomize
