Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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