the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
