Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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