did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
