You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize