So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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