My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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