Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
