your room smells of hookers.
And success
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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