420 ftw
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
