Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize