oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
