That's when you crack a 10am beer
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
