i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
