I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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