I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
