Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
what is it with giant penises always finding me
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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