Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
