my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
