hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
