I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
