I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
