Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
