Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
