you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
