Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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