new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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