He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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