Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I don't deserve a penis
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
