I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
