i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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