Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
