Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
