meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
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