Jerry, you need to find god
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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