we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
