speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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