its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
