I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize